Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
