Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
