I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
