If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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