She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
