If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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