remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
