i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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