why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just pee around me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
