I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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