I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
