Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
