Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They are going to name an STD after you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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