his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
