Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
