I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
