I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
