Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
