Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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