i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
