drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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