so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize