the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
