I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
