I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
