I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
