I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
