i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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