i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
