SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
