If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
