Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
