Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
