At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
