Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize