So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
