I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
