When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize