It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
