this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
