Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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