Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
