i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize