May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
