i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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