I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
