lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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