So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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