I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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