even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
