my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize