This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
