He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
