So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
