i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
