he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
