im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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