So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
