Define "chronic" masturbator.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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