It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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