Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
