and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
