If i come over, it means nothing
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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