In the future we'll all be gay
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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