Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
