Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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