look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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