matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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