Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize