Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
