I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
