I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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