Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
