I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize