where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
