i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
