Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
