I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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