Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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