I hate your face
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
