your parents love me but you hate me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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