What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
