There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
