uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
