Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
