I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
