i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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