I just cut my nipple shaving
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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