I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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