i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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