I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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