...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
